LET MY PEOPLE LAUGH: The Greatest Jewish Jokes of All Time!
In LET MY PEOPLE LAUGH, director, producer, and humorist Sal Litvak takes the reader on a joyous journey through the rich tapestry of Jewish humor, where wit and wisdom intertwine in the most delightful ways. This collection of the funniest Jewish jokes of all time includes lists of the best jokes for particular situations like a wedding toast, business lunch, first date, fundraising speech, or any other occasion when you want to make people smile.
From the bustling streets of Brooklyn to the serene shtetls of Eastern Europe, Jewish humor has always been a cornerstone of the culture, a unique way to cope with adversity and celebrate life’s absurdities. This book captures that spirit, presenting jokes that have been passed down through generations, alongside contemporary classics that will leave you chuckling and nodding in agreement.
Everyone loves a great Jewish joke! From rabbis to parrots, from Vilna to Brooklyn, from cobblers to yentas, these are the world’s best Jewish jokes. Enjoy!
All jokes adapted by Sal Litvak, the Accidental Talmudist.
During the Six-Day War, the enemies of Israel identified a hill of great strategic importance, and when they realized it was guarded by a lone Israeli soldier, they sent in a platoon to attack immediately.
Thirty minutes later, the whole platoon had been captured by the lone Israeli.
As they were being led away, their lieutenant remarked, “I gotta admit, you Israelis are tough.”
“You think I’m tough? You should meet my husband!”
🤣
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A priest and a rabbi are flying to the Holy Land when the plane experiences heavy turbulence. They struggle to remain calm until the pilot announces that the engines are failing and everybody should brace for a water landing. In the midst of the ensuing panic, the priest is surprised to see the rabbi make the sign of the cross.
Thankfully, the plane lands safely in the Atlantic ocean. As they wait on the raft to be rescued, the priest turns to the rabbi.
“I noticed you made the sign of the cross at 20,000 feet. Perhaps it was your conversion that delivered us all from destruction!”
“Well, I share your relief at our deliverance, but it wasn’t on my account. I was just making the usual emergency check: spectacles, testicles, wallet and cigars.”
🤣
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With thanks to our dear friends Father Jason VanBorssum and Rabbi Yonah Bookstein
Rivky the matchmaker comes to see Lazer the ugly butcher.
“What can I get for you today, Rivky? Maybe a nice brisket?”
“No, Lazer, today I’m here for you!”
“For me? Don’t tell me, after all these years, you have a match for me?”
“I do.”
“I can only imagine what she looks like.”
“Take a look at her picture.”
“Oh my goodness, she’s beautiful!”
“Not only is she beautiful, she’s rich! And you are going on a date with her Saturday night!”
“Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that even with my ugly face I’m going out with this beautiful woman, this Saturday night. And she’s rich?”
“Yes!”
“Wow. She must be crazy.”
“Vell, you can’t have everything.”
🤣
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A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something in the distance.
Praying it wasn’t a mirage, he hurried toward the object only to find a little old Jew standing beside his weathered display rack, selling ties.
The terrorist blurted, “Give me water!”
The old man replied, “Sorry, no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They’re only $5.”
The terrorist screamed, “Idiot! Infidel! I don’t need an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties! I need water!”
“Sorry, no water, just ties. Pure silk, and only $5.”
“Fah! A curse on your ties! I’d twist one around your scrawny neck and choke the life out of you but . . . I must save my strength and find water!”
“Nu,” said the little old Jew, “so you don’t want to buy a tie from me, and you hate me, call me infidel and threaten my life. But I’m bigger than all of that, so I’ll tell you that if you go west, over that hill for about two miles, you’ll find a restaurant. They serve the finest food and all the ice-cold water you could ever drink. Go in peace.”
Grumbling another curse, the desperate Taliban terrorist staggered west, over the hill.
Several hours later, he crawled back, nearly dead, and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!”
🤣
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Mitzy moves into a new apartment, and calls her best friend Elsie.
“Come see my new place!”
“I’d love to! Where do you live?”
“780 East 86th Street. You’ll get off the train at 86th, and you’ll see a big red building as soon as you leave the station. You’ll open the the outer door with your right elbow, then in the vestibule, you’ll ring 3A with your left elbow. After I buzz you in, you’ll open the main door with right elbow. Then you’ll walk through the lobby to the elevator, press the call button with your left elbow, get inside, and press number 3 with your right elbow. You’ll make a right when you get off and you’ll see 3A on the first door. You’ll ring my bell with your left elbow, and then I’ll scream for joy when I see you!”
“I’m excited to see you too! But, Mitzy, what’s with all the elbows?”
“What, you’re coming empty-handed?”
🤣
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The rabbi was so addicted to golf that he snuck out to play between the morning and afternoon services on Yom Kippur.
Up in Heaven, Moses said, “What a disgrace. A Jew playing golf on Yom Kippur. And a rabbi to boot!”
The Almighty responded, “I’m going to teach him a lesson.”
Out on the course, the rabbi stepped up to the first tee and bombed his drive down the fairway. His ball bounced off a sprinkler head, cart path and bunker rake, hit the green and rolled into the cup.
“This is how You teach him a lesson, Lord? He got a hole in one!“
“Sure, but who’s he going to tell?”
🤣
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